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I didn’t want to write this but in reviewing some of the blogs that I’ve committed against you, I realized that this was sadly inevitable. About ten months ago, I wrote the definitive early assessment of the Republican presidential primary: Batman versus the Republicans.
In looking back at that post, it seems that all I really did was explain how President The Batman would be far superior to any of the Republican alternatives. Since this consisted of President The Batman handing out Presidential Vicious Beatings with his idiomatic combination of violence and stealth, I don’t think we need to cover that ground again.
Also, since the biggest issue for the Dems appears to be the sitting President, the Batman would simply need to crumple George W into a heap with a spine-fracturing scissor-kick. I’m objecting to this on the grounds that such an action would be wrong.
…wrong for The Batman…
I made some notes while watching the last debate between the final pair of Democrats before the definitive and impending vote on Super Tuesday. If I’m not funny, that’s why.
…tedious…predictable…pointless…
And the candidates weren’t great either. It’s all very nice, friendly slightly saccharine and non-threatening. Under the table, I think Clinton and Obama were holding hands…or fending off Bill.
This is not a race fit for The Batman; presented with this dilemma, The Batman would simply move on and go beat the crap out of some hippies. This isn’t even a race for the stupid Electric Superman or even Aquaman, who’s the really obvious choice.
This is a race for Captain Marvel.
After all, in a race where one candidate wants to be her husband and the other hopes to be John Kennedy, you really need a superhero who is just an unimaginably lame clone of Superman. It’s also noteworthy that Hillary’s pantsuits would be similar to the Captain Marvel uniform if she started wearing capes. I’m not 100% sure about this, but I also think Fox News made a big deal out of the fact that Barack Obama’s middle name is Shazaam.
Captain Marvel lacks an obvious focus; he’s not the mysterious vigilante fighting to avenge his murdered parents. Captain Marvel is a creepy man-boy hybrid who really just serves as the biznitch for some old guy who claims to be a wizard and lives in a cave (hint: imagine Tom Cruise in 20 years…).
Worst.
Analogy.
Ever.
5 February , 2008 at 7:40 pm
Thank you! You’ve just nailed down the cons for me for both candidates. (BTW, the Shazam is Obama’s middle joke. Funny.)
5 February , 2008 at 9:22 pm
[...] before the definitive and impending vote on Super Tuesday. If I’m not funny, that’s why. Batman versus the Democrats. « The Reasonable Ego « That marked the end of “60 Admin Tips in 60 Minutes” for me, because [...]
6 February , 2008 at 9:47 pm
That graphic made me slightly gayer. I didn’t realize that as possible.
12 February , 2008 at 1:30 pm
I think you have American Politics Pegged…wish I could get Percs for 13 cents, of course that would be Un-American!!
16 February , 2008 at 11:28 pm
Where did you get that untouched up photo of Hillary? I bet it was from the Glamour article that got axed last Christmas, when she was going to reveal herself as the only true Green candidate.
21 February , 2008 at 5:48 pm
Bless Diesel and the Clay Pigeon for bringing me to this blog. Hillary’s pantsuits the same as Captain Marvel’s? See, that was something that hovered in my subconscious, but you brought it out.