The Reasonable Ego

Inspired by the Self-Evident Truth That I am Invariably Corrrect

Your Ass and a Hole in the Ground.

Posted by SinisterDan on 20 July , 2007

Listed on humor-blogs.com.
I was going to say that I hate using the word ‘stupid’ but we all know that’s not true. I really like using the word but I really hate how people react when I do. They tell me that I’m being mean; they tell me that I’m not allowing for some cultural perspective or some other damn thing. Compassion and understanding, they coo, would be more productive.

Thanks, stupid!

I jest, of course. Those people aren’t stupid, they’re undergraduates. To be really stupid you must either have done graduate work (I resemble that remark), or be part of an opinion poll.

To that end, I stumbled across this;

“…65% of Americans agree with the idea that…corporations make too much profit…”

This didn’t surprise or alarm me too much, although it did make me want to slap the next kid I see wearing a 65$ Che Guevara tee shirt. What I thought this really meant is that most people feel that multi-nationals are making too much money but are not giving any of it to them, personally. On some non-rational level, I agree with this premise. After all, I’m confident that the board of Exxon Mobil could give me three billion dollars and not really suffer for it. As it is, they’d spend that quicker than my daughters snap to attention when Dora the Explorer is on.

Trivia; Ernesto “Che” Guevara is the maternal grandfather of Boots the Monkey.

Trivia #2; I’m woefully sick of Ernesto “Che” Guevara. This guy was Castro’s Dick Cheney and his most lasting legacy is selling apparel for capitalists who run sweatshops. Che Guevara sucks gun barrels and did about as much for universal human solidarity as scrotal eczema.

Further, from the same poll:

“…the public continues to link the strength of the country with the success of business. More than seven-in-ten agree that ‘the strength of this country today is mostly based on the success of American business…’ ”

I read this four times before I could stop twitching like a marmoset with an espresso addiction. Everywhere you turn on teh internets, someone will lambaste you with the wisdom of Critical Thinking. My background is in philosophy, and to me, Critical Thinking is to philosophy what taking your pants off and talking dirty is to sex. It sure helps, but it ain’t the whole production. Also, you should never do it alone.

Obviously, this reflects a bias of mine (as does my amazing auto erotic response to the sight of kitchen shears) but at least the critical thinking crowd is trying. At their best, they are as sharp as a thing that you would expect to be well… very, very sharp. At their worst, they become Sean Hannity.

Wow. That is much worse than they deserve.

Most people are in conflict and dislike what they require, precisely because they require it and it is not in their control. There’s probably a clinical term for this, but I’m just going to return to my flagship term; stupid. No one blames a bakery for hoarding flour, after all (unless it’s those damnable Keebler Elves – their stuff is laced with ground up pixie bones), but cash is always its own kind of strange.

Money is indeed a different story. While money may not be the root of all evil, it is the root of most greed – social greed most of all. Maybe what we really resent is that the uber-rich folks don’t do what we want with their stuff.

I assume that you need to live in a big, fat, rich country to bemoan that corporations – the engines of your prosperity – have too much money. I can easily see someone in a poor nation complaining that the rich nation next door has too much money, that makes sense – but I can’t imagine that they wouldn’t want to live there. When the guy across the street bought a new barbeque, I killed him, but it never occurred to me to try to live in his house – that would just be creepy.

People (particularly those who read No Logo and didn’t ask for the punch line) have a natural tendency to dislike corporations. But this tendency is natural; geeks hate the popular kids, the fugly people hate the hotties and the 23% of the American population who still support the President hate people who can read and aren’t married to a toothless first cousin.

Trivia #3: The President is so unpopular that when I started writing this, the number of people who supported him was at 26%

Trivia #4; I’m going to be murdered by an anarcho-syndicalist from Nashua, New Hampshire. His name will be Bryant, his girlfriend will be wearing a beret and his dad will either be a banker or sell commercial real estate.

I better hurry up and leave…

 

 

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10 Responses to “Your Ass and a Hole in the Ground.”

  1. Brian Says:

    Holy crap! This is one of the funniest things I’ve read on WordPress in… Oh, who cares how long. Awesome.

    Sorry, I can’t help you out with #4. I’m Brian, not Bryant and that’s about as close as I get to being that guy.

    I have another fact for you: 100% of Brians in my office think I make too little money and would love to steal some from the people have earned it if we could figure out a way to do it legally.

  2. Friday Blog Linking - The Weeks Best Must Read Posts #4 — Passionate America Says:

    [...] Humor → Your Ass and a Hole in the Ground. [...]

  3. Comedy Blog Says:

    “Holy crap! This is one of the funniest things I’ve read on WordPress in… Oh, who cares how long. Awesome.”

    That is the funniest thing i’ve ever read.

  4. Diesel Says:

    So American business needs to be strong, but not too strong. Got it.

    I like the news stories that talk about the widening gap between the rich and the poor. Not that it’s not a real problem, but you know, if you were to magically double everyone’s income tomorrow, guess what would happen?

  5. SinisterDan Says:

    Diesel, I need to insist that you don’t attach consequences or serious analysis to my humor.

    I don’t want the thin veneer of “intelligent humor” to be torn away to reveal a web page full of nothing but random sentences.

    Because as we all know, the medium is the message.

    See how I just did that?

  6. QofD Says:

    Maybe American business just needs Extreme Makeover: Corporate Edition. They can pretend to really care about people and publicly hand over millions while going about their business behind the scenes doing silly things like, oh I don’t know… powering our economy.

  7. Grondzilla Says:

    Thanks for the clarification. I always thought that the reason people have that intense dislike of how much corps are making was due to the fact that *while* they were making those hideous amounts of money ubercorps were pretty much rogering the complaintants in every way possible. I don’t hate the ‘Free Market System’, I just hate the fact that its existence is complete and utter bullshit. I know, I know…yur all about the chortles. I’ll get back to ignoring the subtext as per your demands.

  8. Dick Masterson Says:

    “…65% of Americans agree with the idea that…corporations make too much profit…”

    But who has time to sit around answering surveys all day? Men are out putting food on the table and video games on the tube.

    -Dick

  9. SinisterDan Says:

    “I always thought that the reason people have that intense dislike of how much corps are making was due to the fact that *while* they were making those hideous amounts of money ubercorps were pretty much rogering the complaintants…”

    This would lead us down the road to ‘business ethics’, a term that makes as much sense as ‘rectal sunglasses’.

    “I’ll get back to ignoring the subtext as per your demands.
    Much obliged, Marshall.

  10. MC Says:

    Enron impregnated my dog and Pepsico kicked my mother down the stairs.

    As individuals, them corporations are sick, sick bastards.

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