Worst Blog Evar!1!

Listed on humor-blogs.com

In a surprising act of slow, deliberate and well-scheduled process this blog has been reviewed. For several months, I’ve been a member of Humor-blogs.com. Next to the Senate of the Roman Republic and the original cast of The Wiggles, there is no finer assembly of people ever to have lived. Seriously…many of them can lift cars with their virtuous and finely manicured hands.

Ironically, I’m in it. Yeah, I was just thinking that too.

Originally, I was beaten into joining this tiny cabal of amateur humorists by the callous and uncaring hands of a monstrous entity known only as Diesel (a name that he has apparently applied to himself intentionally…). At present count – actually from the count I made a week ago last Tuesday – the number has now risen to nearly two hundred. That’s pretty impressive, and these folks are funny.

GO THERE NOW! GO THERE OFTEN!!

In addition to being funny, some of them were kind enough to review the site, and in return for their outpouring of free advice, I will make fun of them. Since all of the reviews are ‘completely anonymous’ and therefore free from bloody revenge, I’ll just make up the names as I go.

Pepperidge E. Sausagelink writes;

“Good read for those who love to read about more news in a comedic fashion.”

I can’t argue with this – I have a strange urge to try, but I can’t.

Legendary and Perennial Flesh Bulb William Shatner added;

“…he doesn’t update as often as others, but that’s a good thing. Dan has relaxed tone and doing it everyday would hurt his blog.”

Doing it every day? Are you insane? While I’d be a lot happier, the least of my worries would be hurting my blog. The cost in fresh linens and Advil alone would run me into the poor house, not to mention that I have 2 kids running around the house…oh…pardon me, I misread that. Mr. Shatner’s comments do highlight an ongoing theme in the review; I am a lazy slug.

Union General William Tecumseh Sherman chimed in with;

“This is intelligent humor at its best!”

This is internet bribery at its best! Thanks, destroyer of Atlanta!!

Prime Minister Stephen Harper noted that;

“Awesome. Needs to blog more, way more. The captions were good. This guy is hilarious.”

I didn’t even vote for you, but thanks, destroyer of Atlantic Canada! Note the slight reinforcement of my my sluggy laziness.

Former Palestinian person Yasser Arafat won my heart with this internet-weary comment;

“More or less current events opinion pieces. Well written and pretty funny, albeit in a typical blog-snarky way.”

Yeah, well, more or less. I seem to recall that this was how Arafat responded to peace treaties too.

Legendary and dead songwriter Warren Zevon waxed critical with;

“Snarky and intelligent, and ably poking fun at both sides in the political arena. Loved it.”

And I love you, sir…carnally if you wish. I am also apparently, doubly-snarky.

Senator and equally dead Edward Kennedy (D-Vehicular Manslaughter) contributed;

“Very funny! You definitely have to follow politics to get him, but this is an extremely witty and sharp blog. “

It’s a good thing then that the Senator follows politics.

German Chancellor Angela Whatever-Her-Name-Is opined;

“I can’t decide if I have intermittent attention deficit disorder, or if this blog makes my brain hurt.”

Neither – your microwave is malfunctioning.

The Chancellor continues…

“It is my humble opinion that if this blogger were a bit more selective or economical with his/her word useage, it might make the individual posts *POP* a bit more.”

Oh, my most perspicacious and ambrosial internet colleague! The juncture at which I might have internalized a more circumspect application of the full cornucopia of my palavered lexicon has long since passed the stage where it might be more frugally effectuated.

Donna Summer crooned;

“…I had to work for the funny…”

You worked hard for the funny, so I’d better treat you right.

Marcus Tullius Cicero erupted;

“My dating life has more consistancy then his entry schedule.”

It would be exceptionally rude of me to guess how much more consistency and I don’t know for sure what an ‘entry schedule’ is, but I suspect that I don’t any advice on mine from a person who has trouble getting dates — HA!. Regardless, the Golden Tongue of Republican Rome has an excellent point first raised by William Shatner; I am a lazy slug.

Cicero goes on to say…

“I do like his take on things but it’s hard to say I’ll keep visiting if I don’t know when a new entry will be posted.”

I can’t blame you for this, but I suppose that I will have to correct the spastic nature of my posting if am to expect a loyal following. Allow me to be more concise – I shouldn’t blame you, but I do. Despite the fact that you are correct about my lazy-ass blogging, I am even now rolling sweet thoughts of disembowelment through my head. However, since I’ll be doing my best to post more, the sizzling hatred that courses through my veins will just need to be taken out on my loved ones and the small, helpless things of the world – that’s right; the Shriners…

Oberon, King of Faeries kicks in with;

“…The writing is top-notch. Having said all that, I would not read the blog regularly.”

I’m a little confused here and must conclude that Oberon and I have a different definition of ‘top-notch’. I might suggest that I am actually “high-notch” by Oberon’s standards, or perhaps even the rare and beautiful “penultimate-notch”. However, when you look to the soaring heights of Oberon’s toppiest of notches, I’m not on it.

Oberon finishes with me on this note:

“That freaky little BlogMad graphic in the left sidebar is too big for its space and it overlaps onto the content on my screen.”

Fixed that – it bothered me too. Apparently just not enough to do anything about it.

I can only presume that the following was produced by someone who owes me money;

“I really like blogs that make me feel smarter when I’m done reading them, and also entertain me at the same time. Sinister Dan’s picture captions are hilarious, and his template is pleasing to the eye. Clearly, the biggest thing that he needs to work on is frequency of posts recently. This kind of talent should express itself more often.”

Your debt is paid! This entry is so kind that I didn’t immediately notice that it marked me once more as

A) a slug

B) a slug that is lazy

Another silver-tongued debtor;

“SinisterDan is just plain laugh out loud funny, as well as obviously very intelligent. I could see him writing humorous commentary for a living.”

You’re in the black, my good and observant friend. Although that thing about writing for a living really stings if you’re not a publisher…

Astronomer Carl Sagan (or potentially my mommy) finishes this boring quotation marathon with;

“This blog had the funniest posts yet. A stellar effort all around, especially with the great links and captions!”

Billions and billions of stars!

I am, of course, thrilled to be the recipient of such consistent praise from a group of so many people who try very hard to write funny things themselves. I am also aware that in heaping such praise, it is almost without exception pointed out that I’m not holding up either my obligations or self-interest by not writing more.

Those who have read The Reasonable Ego for any amount of time have likely noticed this as a recurrent theme. Those who have read The Reasonable Ego for any amount of time have likely been under a strict, court-ordered psychiatric regimen, but that’s neither here nor there.

I will spend less time sunning myself on rocks. I will spend less time rolling in the thick, rich muck of the Atlantic Canadian coastline. I will give up the loam and peat bogs of my boyhood home and I will spend less time splayed out on the sofa in a Dorito and Guinness stupor while countless episodes of Joanie Loves Chachi play in the background.

I will try and be as good as some of you have graciously stated that I might be.

…jerks…

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