They’d give a dog’s arse heartburn.

You sir,are my hero.

I salute you - and let me know when you open that pub - I’m moving in.

Best line of the week.

I’m not surprised you are getting those sorts of search results. The #1 search term for people landing on my blog is “nudies” - which leads to my obituary of a weatherman. Talk about disappointment! Miraculously, I’m still the #1 google blogsearch result for that puerile term.

More in line with your font of titilation re. Ms. Harris, I also get a lot of hits for “helena guergis is hot”. Shudder. I’m only #2 on that search, but I guess I’ll take my traffic any way I can get it.

Actually, I’m tempted to publish the IPs and locations of those who come to my site through such silly searches. It’d amuse me, in a vindictive way, like writing on the sidewalk the license plates of people who pick up cheap hookers.

Seeing as how I’m rambling, I’ll tell you my unfulfilled dream for embarassing the lewd. Back in university, the local watering hole had a washroom equipped with a condom machine, which had been retrofitted to dispense a certain ring-like device intended to please the ladies. They cost $1, but the machine was empty (I know this how?) And of course nobody had the nerve to go up to the bar and ask for their money back. Great scam!

But I could do better. If I owned the bar, I’d hook up one of those spinning red police lights right over the entrance to the loo, and it would be activated whenever someone tried to buy said ring-like device. I can picture the bar erupting in applause when the bewildered perv exited the washroom.

Maybe when I inherit my pub in Roydon…

And watching Geraldo and Bill O’Reilly going at it was like watching the video for Two Tribes